Cafecito with Dana Perino: Finding Space for the Heart

March 12, 2021 - San Antonio

By Jade Esteban Estrada, Cafecito Columnist | San Antonio Sentinel

As the former White House press secretary for President George W. Bush, Dana Perino has lived life in the fast lane of not only politics, but of American history. Now an anchor and commentator for Fox News, where she offers an experienced perspective on current events, she feels her job is a culmination of everything she’s ever wanted to do. 

On Sunday, Perino, 48, will visit San Antonio to promote her latest book, Everything Will Be Okay: Life Lessons for Young Women (from a Former Young Woman) at the Tobin Center for the Performing Arts.

Perino’s offering is generous, insightful, and, at just the right times, quite funny. Reading the book felt like listening to the wisdom of someone who genuinely cares about the future of young people.

It’s a late Friday morning when I have the pleasure of speaking with her by phone. When I ask her if she has a favorite part of the book, she tells me she has two. The first is her practical advice on how to improve your workday.

“I guarantee you, if you take on some of these things and if you did a five-minute pick up of your office and your email, if you learn how to get a hold of your voice and get a strong voice, you’re more likely to get promoted or get that job,” she says from the Fox News studio in New York.

Her second most favorite part of the book is the chapter on serenity, where she opened up about her past fears and anxieties.

“It’s a wonderful career that I’ve had,” she says, “[but] I needed to find some space for my heart, as well." 

Her approach to helping folks find their inherent serenity is a practical one. 

“[In the book], I explain how you can make your list of worries and concerns and then make two other columns and identify which ones you have control over or not, and then making an action plan for the things you do have control over.”

In 2015, Perino wrote a book called And the Good News Is…: Lessons and Advice from the Bright Side, where she shared her story of growing up in rural Wyoming and eventually becoming the 24th White House press secretary, the second female to hold the position after Dee Dee Myers, who served during the Clinton administration.  

“As I look back on my career success, and even my personal life really, every time I made a plan, something else happened,” she says.

This was true for when she thought she was going to work her way up through local news but instead ended up moving to the nation's capital. And when she thought she may never meet a suitable life partner, but then met her future husband on an airplane.

She and her husband Peter have now been married for 23 years.  

But perhaps the greatest example was in August 2007, when she fully intended to resign as deputy press secretary.  

“The communications director needed to talk to me that same morning," she recounts. "He said, ‘Do you mind if I go first?’ I said, 'Sure. Go ahead.' That’s when he said that he wanted to make me the press secretary."

And that speaks to your advice about hearing someone out, I prompt.

"Oh, yeah. Here’s lesson #1: Always let the other person go first," she says.

Perino’s thoughts about integrity is the centerpiece of her book. I ask her if she thinks integrity is in crisis at this point in history.

"I don’t think so," she says thoughtfully. "I think integrity can be quite personal. So whereas it might feel like the world is spinning out of control, the only thing that matters is how you live your life."

Perino feels that her integrity is her most valuable asset. 

“You have to protect it at all costs," she says firmly. "If you compromise on your integrity, it will be a downward spiral.”

What is your #1 rule about self-management? I ask.

"I believe there’s a lot of freedom in discipline," she says. "So if you have principles and you live by them, you’ll be more successful in your personal and professional life. You’ll be able to protect that important asset: your integrity."

She also feels this is a pathway to a healthier life. 

"I spend a lot of time in this book talking about how you have the responsibility to take care of your health and your well-being, "she says. "If you don’t do it, nobody else will.”

Is this something that you learned while you were press secretary? I ask.

"Yep,” she replies, without missing a beat. “I learned the hard way, as many people do. After several years of working at the White House under that pressure, with that amount of hours, and very little time off, I was physically falling apart. I had a ringing in my ear that lasted for about two and a half years actually, my right arm from my elbow down had gone very numb, [and] I had very bad back pain. I saw the White House doctor a few times and I remember him saying, ‘I promise you, about six months after the White House is over, this all goes away.’"

Looking back, Perino says she could have done a better job regarding nutrition. 

"I didn’t eat enough," she admits. "I fueled my body with caffeine and I would have been a better thinker and more healthy if I had taken better care of myself. I learned the hard way but I try to do better now."

One of your pearls is to talk less and listen more. Could you tell me why you think that this is important? 

"You may have heard the phrase 'God gave you two ears and one mouth; you should use them in proportion?'"

We both laugh. 

Perino says that some of the most expressive people can be very good listeners. She gives the late Charles Krauthammer as an example. 

"When I think about him as a columnist and commentator, he actually used his words very sparingly," she recalls. "But he used his listening skills to great extent.”

Another topic you wrote about was the importance of dressing professionally. Talk to me about that. 

"Well, a lot of work places across the country have changed dramatically and a lot of people are going to be working from home or from different environments," she begins. "I don’t care if you’re sitting at your kitchen table, but from the waist up, when you are there on Zoom, you need to make sure your shirt is ironed, and you're not wearing something too casual or inappropriate. I also think that that will make you feel more like you are at work. Many of us are working from home and we are also ending up living at work."

Now how does one think professionally? I ask.

"Well, I do think that professionalism is a mindset and how you present yourself is all up to you," she says. “When I write the title of the book, Everything Will Be Okay, it is true but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to work at it. You have to decide 'How do I want to present myself to the world on a Zoom call, in an actual physical meeting, at the bar, or on social media?’ Everything is a reflection on you."

You encourage critical thinking. What are three things that can help folks form stronger arguments and opinions if they feel they are easily influenced by what they see on their phones? I ask.

"Listen more, read more, and pray more. When it comes to listening, I feel that many people are jumping into arguments right now without ever listening to the other side," she says. “[Krauthammer] was so persuasive in his argumentation. It’s because he listened so intently to what his opponent was saying.”

Her second point of reading more was encouraged from a young age by her father. 

"I try to be the most well read person in the room," she says. "I certainly felt that way as White House press secretary. I didn’t want anyone in that room to have read more than me.”

Her third point is inspired by her faith. 

"I feel like what I’m looking for more and more is for people to be gracious to one another...gracious in our comments, our reactions and how we treat each other. Life’s too short to be mean."

Amid the pandemic and the economic crisis, Perino feels that educated young people are in the driver’s seat right now. 

“We really need their innovation and their enthusiasm,” she says. “They have such big hearts. That’s one of the reasons I’m very optimistic about the future.”

Her hope is that her readers will be able to apply the advice to their own lives. Though her book has tips and advice for young women, the work beautifully transcends age and gender. 

“We can all keep learning from each other and encouraging each other, too,” she says. 

Lastly, how do you maintain your reputation on television as the voice of reason? 

“I feel that my approach, my news reporting, and my interviewing [being] - as you described it - 'a voice of reason,’ people are more likely to listen to me if I keep that demeanor than if I didn’t. But the truth is, I’m just being myself. I’m not very good at faking it. I would not be a good actress,” she says with a laugh. 

Dana Perino Live is a socially distanced event and will be moderated by Sonya Medina Williams. For further information, visit the Tobin Center’s website here.

To order Perino’s book, click here.

Jade Esteban Estrada is the Cafecito columnist for the San Antonio Sentinel. jade@sasentinel.com | Twitter: @getjaded